a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

One Year Anniversary of Attempting Adulthood

Having just celebrated my one year anniversary with the best company on earth, my attempt at adulthood has officially spanned twelve months. The real world started for me maybe two and half hours into my first day working,  when J and A not so kindly and not so gently informed me it was "time." (Though J and A would never admit it, I stay awake at night telling myself that it was a heart wrenching decision for them. After all, I am their favorite oldest daughter.) Four weeks, 3 gallons of my salty tears, and one XL Uhaul Truck later, my new home address was set to Georgetown.

These are the lessons I learned outside of academia

1.  Crushed "Career" Dreams
When I was in college, I entertained a delusion fantasy that upon graduation, I would magically become a professional women's golfer. Do I possess the talent? No. Not remotely. But that detail was literally irrelevant to my vision of eating Cobb salads and sipping Diet Coke as I putzed around our Country Club in my pink golf cart and pastel outfits. In the winter,  I would have to take leave from my water aerobics class so that J and I could circumnavigate the globe, touring the world of 6-star hotels, 18- holes at a time. I envisioned the side effects of this career path would be a designing my own line of sparkly golf bags, an unlimited supply of golf skirts and a secured position as J's favorite child. Unfortunately, after 4 minutes back on the driving range, I remembered why I am saving golf for my mid-life crisis.

2. Mid- Week Hangovers

Not that I would know anything about mid-week hangovers, but from what I have heard, they are truly dreadful. From what I have deduced, the Mid-Week Hangovers is a very real thing, affecting millions of mid-week drinking Americans.  I've seen co-workers working remote from the floor in  fetal/vertical/near death positions. The one time the Mid-Week Hangover happened to me (a result of Flip Cup in a conference room), it was actually the worst day of my life. For some scientific reason unbeknownst to me, a real world hangover is much more severe than a college hangover. This scientific statement  is compounded by the fact that skipping class is easier than skipping work. 

3. Live with a Chef

I learned that without a dinning hall; a roommate who cooks is a non-negotiable need.  I eat three things: Oatmeal, whatever someone else buys me and whatever Megan cooks for me. My roommate Megan's mother and my mother were college roommates, so as second generation roommates, she is pretty much contractually obligated to like me. Without Megan, I would have to live with someone I didn't like and I would go hungry all the time.  And on nights when Megan decides she is too busy to feed me, I eat oatmeal.  The stockholders of General Mills should write me a thank you note for keeping Quaker Oats in business because I eat more oats than a Derby horse.

4. Pets ain't ready fo' me

As someone who would do almost anything for Instagram likes, I am glad I never went far enough to adopt a pet.  I can't image being responsible for something else living, as I struggle feeding and exercising myself. So it is probably a good thing the National Zoo never asked me to babysit their pet panda. 

6. Productivity < Facebook

This year I experience tremendous personal growth... when I deactivated my Facebook profile. For 41 minutes, I had the most time in the world, literally I was bored. But then 41 minutes later, I came to my senses and reactived this unproductive time-suck. After apologizing to myself, I explained to myself that I really just need to know what that one girl from high school that I really don't know that well is doing with her life EVERY DAY.

7. Sports!
 I committed to liking my first sports team. The Washington Capitals are my FAV baseball ice hockey team!

8. (Unofficial) Queenz of the Wingz

 I learned that I am capable of eating 26 fried chicken wings in 10 minutes. My girl Ani and I crunched/crushed .93 lbs of chicken . #Lunch 

9. Jean Therapy

When living paycheck to paycheck became my "reality," the first thing that went were my weekly manicures. But just because the color scheme of my nails had to suffer, that didn't mean my closet did too. In college, I worked at J.Crew to subsidize my clothing addiction but the real world left no time for retail hours so I learned to shop the sales. Granted, when I shopped the sales too often, I really wasn't ultimately saving anything. But I was able to strike the balance between black label and clearance isle. SJP says it best: "I like my money right where I can see it... hanging in my closet."

10. Life is like... expensive
The real word is expensive. I never believed this hearsay because my college town was immune to inflation. I barley used a gallon of gas a week and my greasy spoon breakfast could be paid for with a $10 bill.  But not in Georgetown. I can't sneeze for $10. Dry cleaning your socks is not as enticing when you are not on the family tab and the one time I went grocery shopping, Whole Foods took my Whole paycheck. Champagne tastes on a beer budget is much easier said than done. 

My Georgetown adventure into adulthood continues! 


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