a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

My Hip Hop Journey

What: My Journey to Become Justin Bieber's Backup Dancer

Where: Capital Hill Arts Workshop, SE Washington DC

Why: Why Not?

In the name of my perpetual life crisis, I decided the next obvious step after accidentally dying my hair brown, was embarking upon a hip hop journey. A 'hiphop journey' as I explained to my parents, J and A, is my latest attempt to be an overnight YouTube sensation.  Like most of my life phases, this one stumped them, only confirming my intuition that being trendy is not genetic. 

My hip hop journey truly began in high school, fifteen minutes into watching the movie Step Up. Inspired by the ripped abdominal muscles of Channing Tatum, I needed to be on a Step Team. Since hip hop culture was non-existent within the manicured croquet lawns of my all girls’ boarding school, I convinced the Dean of Activities to let me audition for the local high school’s Step Team. Eager to get me off his campus, he agreed to let me try-out. However, the results were less than favorable, with the rejection email saying something along the lines of, 'We’re sorry …but even the team manager position is filled"

And with that somewhat foreseen rejection, I assumed the hope of my hip hop career was reduced to the inverse relationship between glasses of Prosecco and dance floor intensity.  I had all but forgotten about my unfilled life passion of hip hop dancing until watching an episode of “Dancing with the Stars.” The next day as I was practicing how I would dance with Bachelor Chris, my co-worker suggested I take hip hop lessons. So I took the $150 burning a hole in my pocket and hired myself a coach, Gigi.

On our first day of friendship, Gigi, who moonlights as the host of a lesbian burlesque show (which is a WHOLE other story), asked me my goals for my lessons. I told her I had two goals. First goal: to look cooler online, especially in terms of beefing up my LinkedIn Profile.  Second goal: to be back up dancer in Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande’s next music video. I also told Gigi that, worst case scenario, I would settle for winning every initialed dance contest without dislocating either a body part or pants' seam.

Six weeks of lessons later I can officially say, I am 5 million Instagram video page views away from my budding future as JBeib’s back up dancer and much closer to get banned from a  U Street nightclub for "incessant dance floor challenging." 

My coolness quest continues. 


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