a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

NoLa JazzFest- The Jazziest of Weekends

I capital letter LOVE live music and I capital letter LOVE my high school roommate, Melanie. Melanie happens to capital letter LOVE me enough to move to the capital of live music solely hoping I would visit her. Her gamble paid off and I showed up. Barely*

*I barely talked my way onto the aircraft after accidentally booking myself on the wrong flight which I only discovered after attempting to check myself into said wrong flight. Right destination. Wrong day. This slight problem was corrected with just a couple hundred thousands million points. An hour later my fedora and I were headed South. 

It only took three depth breaths of New Orleans's air to fall in love. Why? Because every available food choice had my sensory glands sensing fried. (I blame my 4 day stint in the city for a 2 pant size engorgement and the reason cash donations are currently still being accepted on a rolling basis for the Sarah Keating Liposuction Fund.)

Upon completing airport pick-up duty, Melanie took me to her favorite local lunchtime cuisine spot. A Whole Foods! "What a rare treat!" ,said no one Washingtonian ever.  With my two and a half pound container of cold, definitely sneezed on and possible stale macaroni salad, I accompanied Mel back to work. Since my tech start up office decorum is not applicable to all other work environments, I decided I was better suited else where. So I ate my way through the French Quarter.

Who needs a travel partner when bars have happy hours? 

While walking myself around Jackson Square, I tried to make a few friends. I took a break be-befriending homeless men and teenagers vomiting on themselves to ask these two up and coming film stars if they needed a stunt double for their scene. Unfortunately, I didn't land the role but I agree with my agent when he says, "There is still hope."  

Below is one of my six consecutive orders of fried appetizers.  I would say something like, "Oh! Don't Worry! I exercised these fried foods off my encroaching inner thigh gap!" But that wold be a lie. Especially since my latest obsession is with wedge sneakers. Wedge sneakers are perfectly suited for not exercising.

Favorite New Orleans Party Trick? Drinks to go. We just walk into a bar, order drinks and walk out. Even my fake ID worked! It was thrilling! 

Jazz Fest Day 1-  LOVED Luke JamesThe Revivalists and John Legend

"So... are you ladies single?", said the sweating Mari Gras Indian. I gave him my Skype Name, winked and told him to look online for me later. 


Day Two of JazzFest was more promising. Not because Lady Gaga preformed with Tony Bennett but  because Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy had finally been restocked. 

If you look closely at my left shoulder you can see the streak of a sunburn or the 'red badge of stupidity' according to J.

The weekend ended tremendously, with two real life tornados! Since Melanie is very important business-wise,  she went to work. Since I am not as important business-wise, I stayed home. Then it started to tornado and we immediately lost power.  I was left for dead in a basement-less house with a cat named Felix. Within 10 minutes of what turned out to be 8 hours without power, I started to maintain one-sided conversations with Felix, who I affectionately nicknamed Sir Lix-A-Lot.  

Have you ever tried to entertain yourself with a live cat, dead cell phone, dead cable connection, and dead internet? Wouldn't recommend it.

But Nola? I would recommend that.


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