a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

24 Resolutions for my 24th Year

  1. Wear wedge sneakers more often
  2. Losing designer jewelry is not a talent. Stop pursuing it as such
  3. Losing my debit card on a bi-monthly basis is not a talent. Also stop pursuing it as such
  4. Stop talking about other people
  5. Stop talk about myself
  6. Stop talking?
  7. Take fewer selfies 
  8. Learn to cook something outside of the confines of a microwave
  9. Implement the following thought process equation: Getting Thinner > More Dinner
  10. Stop pretending to work out 
  11. Start working out?
  12. Convince my roommate to adopt me (financially) 
  13. Consider voluntarily turning myself into a Flash Tat rehabilitation clinic 
  14. Stop using 'Bae'
  15. Use 'Bae' more often
  16. Get invited to a party
  17. Ask J and A to fund my liposuction campaign (again) 
  18. Stop Facebook stalking myself. I do not need to be reminded what I looked like in high-school/college/last weekend 
  19. Pretend to like children 
  20. Stop considering gel manicures a 'health expense'
  21. Stop continuing to interview every terrible Tinder date as a potential life partner
  22. Play more golf. There has to be something marriageable about me
  23. Stop shopping in the maternity section. There is a time and place for elastic pants and it not 24 years old
  24. Wear wedge sneakers more often



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