a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

Not Cool Enough for SanFran

OCS  is a irreversible disease affecting millions of American families annually. Symptoms of 'Only Child Syndrome' (OCS) include but are not limited to the following... a generally bad fashion sense, solo head shot themed Christmas Cards, and an excellent table-clearing/dish-washing skill set. Growing up,  I dedicated my childhood to ensuring one of my best friends overcame this potentially crippling disease. In my latest quest to help her overcome OCS, our other best friend and I decided we needed to accompany their family on their West Coast vacation MERELY to ensure the patient continued to suppress her OCS symptoms. So with our two adoptions still pending, the three best friends headed West. 

What word would describe three terminal best friends skipping around San Francisco? Fedor-able! You would see us in all of our adorableness and think, "Well Gosh Darn ! Aren't they just Fedor-able! I used to think that fedoras were helmets against making friends but have since reversed my stance and the fedora has become my latest Instagram photo prop.

My two San Fran goals were simple. 1. Take a selfie with a group of Asian Middle Schoolers and 2. Take a 'candid' new Facebook default picture. #priorities

Upon arrival, the trip got off to a rocky start.  Not because I had taken 18 selfies before 9:00 am (which is hashtag normal for me) but because I had broken the cardinal rule of San Francisco coolness. Judging by passerbys' disgusted facial expressions, my calling San Francisco 'San Fran' was just as mortifying as the time I indefinitely ruined a college fraternity's event. (Though the PTSD from the latter is like WAY way worse).

What did I learn studying abroad in SF?  I learned that I am 100% 100 lbs too heavy for San Francisco's Common Law of Starvation Chic. I learned that San Francisco's Public Transit System, The Bart, has a much trendier internal color scheme and MUCH better lighting than DC's Metro. I learned that the city's strictly enforced dress code could be summarized as shower optional and a general look of homeless-ness is strongly suggested.

I wonder what Lilly Pulitzer would think if she knew I was wearing her cashmere with a Private Party graphic and platform wedge Nike sneakers.

My SF education continued in Wine Country where I learned that olive oil comes from olives. Mind. Blown. 

I momentarily considered walking over the Golden Gate Bridge but immediately came to my senses when I found a hot dog cafe. In keeping with my life's motto of, "Why exercise when you can eat," I toasted the Golden Gate with two chili-dogs.

Hats off to my enthusiastic and tireless travel companions! 

Back on the East Coast, my coolness crusade continues. I have reverted to my previous assumption that those of us in the EST timezone think talking about Cali is just as trendy as living there. Plus its refreshing to see people who prioritize showering.  


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