a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

True Life: I am Addicted to MTV



Growing up J and A were hard pressed to let us watch television. It wasn't the, "Now Children- You can only watch one hour of TV a day" is was....  "This household is not wired for cable television". (Game Boys and other forms of electronic entertainment were also banned from the home, so it is a miracle I survived childhood without any major forms of social deformity... though the jury is still out of that one- hashtag TBA)

So when my boarding school had a TV on our hallway, this cable-less child of the 90's had eight years of television watching on my to-do list.  I needed to compensate for every episode and commercial break of Laguna Beach and American Idol that every other 13 year old was privileged enough to enjoy. Much to my roommate's delight, I moved out of our dorm room and into the couch, prime TV watching real estate. 

And so begun my love affair with MTV.  When my parents asked to meet my 'friends' during Parent's Weekend, I responded, "Who needs friends when you have OnDemand?" I remember J and A not being as entertained as I was with that statement.   My TV taste peaked that Freshman Year and after not being cast on MTV's Made (to which I applied and was  subsequently denied), I quickly became obsessed with an even more thought provoking documentary series: Teen Mom. 

After six years of incessant watching and potential eye damage from the TV's phosphorous, I consider the girls on Teen Mom to be too close for my parent's comfort.  I keep in touch with them dddaiiillllyyy, which in my definition of friendship means aggressively liking all their Instagram posts and commenting #followmeback #loveyou. When asked about my future plans, I have to remind myself to refrain from answering,"I don't need a family because I have eight MTV single families."

These are some of the most important life lessons gleaned from the girls of MTV:

1. Teen Moms have a 250% increased chance of ending their teens with at least one tattoo. 
2. Some girls make it in this world with 'fertility' as their only marketable skill.
3. The worse your hair color, the bigger your audience following. 
4. A baby daddy in jail makes for the best TV as stable relationships have yet to make an appearance in the six year run of these girls' reality. 
5. If you ever want your father to leave the room, just tell him you are watching Teen Mom
6. If you ever want your boyfriend to leave the room, just tell him you are watching Teen Mom.
7. If you ever want to have a girls' night-in, just ask your roommate if she wants to watch Teen Mom.

So as I sit inside (alone) on this Sunday watching the re-watching the latest episode that follows five potentially crumbling lives of teen mothers, I think how grateful for God, country, and MTV. 

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