a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

Vivia la Mexico!! ... Donde esta wifi?

Melanie and I have been destined for best friendship since Move In Day our sophomore year. The moment we realized that WE, along with 125% of the other girls attending our boarding school, had the SAME pink and green Ralph Lauren bedding, it was official. Mel and Sarah and our Ralph Lauren bedding would be BFFs 4 EVa. Materialism- bringing girls together since 1990.

Since our friendship ignited, Mel and I have gone from immediate BFFs, to frienemies, to enemies, to straight up mortal enemies, and then immediately circling back to best friendship. (The natural progression of adolescence female friendships). In hindsight, I think our friendship fallout lasted 110 minutes and was solely on account of me refusing to share my 3 lbs bag of gummy bears with Mel.

Ever since Melanie was gracious enough to forgive me and my only-child-syndrome-sharing-tendencies of the tenth grade, we have spent the last decade of our lives talking about ourselves, taking selfies, eating fried food, and complaining about exercising. What better way to celebrate our shared interests than taking a trip to Mexico, the Instagramable land of indigestion and cell phone roaming fees.

Packing List:

1. Snacks for the Plane- I hope the pilot lets me use his microwave. True confession? I am addicted to instant oatmeal. I have it for breakfast 8 mornings a week. When my college boyfriend dumped me on April Fool's Day (which was not a joke) I ate so many consecutive packs of instant oatmeal in the month that followed that I turned into a lumpy human with a pot porridge belly.

2. Sunhat- Useful for shielding the rest of the world from my LFS (long face syndrome) and uneven haircut. Either my head is lopsided (most likely) or my hairdresser mistakenly lobbed a little too much off the left side (which is what I am blaming).

3. Fat Girl Slim Cellulite Cream- Not only did the name of this product bully me into buying it but according to the sales associate, who is obviously a reliability source of neutral information, this cream is quote, "The Best Thing ever," end quote. And why would she lie to me. It’s not like she gets commission off my naivety. Here is to hoping, lathering, and praying.

4. Matching Out-suits- For those of you unaware, this is one of favorite fashion do's (aside from buying prom dresses). An out-suit is when your swim suit matches your outfit. This trend is most popular among infants and toddlers who have no choice in their wardrobe but I make the conscious effort to dress this way on purpose. As like many of my other reasonable and attainable life goals, I desperately want to be an identical twin. And while I wait for her to respond to my Craigslist ad, I will continue to buy matching outfit accessories. That way when I finally do find her, we will have the outfits to prove our undeniable identical twin-ness.

5. Wedge Sneakers - I need to have a valid excuse not to join Mel in the gym. What better way to excuse yourself from exercise than blaming your ill equipped wardrobe? The only way I am stepping foot in that gym is if MTV is hardwired to the treadmill's TV. And even then, it would have to be an episode of Teen Mom I hadn't seen yet and that in itself is wildly impossible.

6. One Piece Bathing Suit-  All inclusive and bikinis do not sit well together, at least not in my personal dining experience. Whenever five star cuisine is on the line, I am packing that menu into my one piece.

Hopefully Delta doesn't lose my luggage because I doubt any other 24 year old girl wants to survive the week with my suitcase supplies. I can see that a can of SPF 200, a Speedo racing suit, and Baby Gap inspired matching out-suits are a somewhat embarrassing collection. Good thing Mel won’t see my suitcase supplies until it is too late. 


No comments