a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

SURPRISE- April Fool's Day Isn't That Funny

Ever since my first boyfriend dumped me on April Fool's Day (and it wasn't a joke), I have lived in fear of the holiday that separates March from April. This year is off to a better start since bae is still responding to my last string of 43 consecutive text messages.

But it is only 11am and I have been the punch line of my own day MULTIPLE TIMES.

Wake up. Look in the mirror. Darn it. My roots are still brown. This is disappointing but not unexpected. My roots haven't been blonde since I was like 4 months old and I am clinging to that claim to fame.

Next stop: the kitchen. My favorite sight to wake up to. Second favorite sight? When my roommate makes me breakfast. LOVE her and LOVE breakfast brownies. But SURPRISE. The milk I left out last night is sour. 

I devised a new plan and decided to wash the brownies down with McDonald's instead.

Arrive at McDonald's for breakfast. Surprise... THE DRIVE THROUGH IS CLOSED. Liiiikkkeeee wwwwwhaaaattttttt? Now I have to WALK inside and stand for public ridicule as I spend $13 on the breakfast dollar menu. I hate when people look at me like 4 hashbrowns isn’t a “normal” order.

Next stop: Work. And I actually still have 10,621 unread emails. I make a mental reminder to create a Craigslist ad for a personal intern to help me manage my online shopping addiction.

30 minutes into work and CRISIS. One that doesn't even have to do with my unread 10,621 emails. It involves a wedding and a shark bite. (Not a joke).  Sidenote: I wonder if girl sharks wear sharkbite hem dresses to their prom. I make a mental note to ask my personal intern this interview question as soon as someone responds to my Craiglist ad posting.

Morning Snack- Dunkin Donuts has the number of calories posted next to my Coolatta? That is a cruel joke.

Back to work. I try to convince another bride she should write the ‘About Us' section of her website from the perspective of her dog. She thinks I'm kidding, but I am as serious as April 2nd.

Beginning of Lunch Break- I take an elevator down one level and walk into a MAC Makeup store. They try to charge me $63 dollars for a 4oz bottle of makeup. I'm sorry... is that a JOKE? What happened to corporations who supported community service? PSA to MAC Makeup- Please service the community and make my makeup more affordable for the sake of all the people who have to look at me.

End of lunch break. Write blog post. Simultaneously laugh and cry on the inside and outside because April 1st is the same as the other 364 days of my life.


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