a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

Moving into the Greenbrier

There are at least a thousand things I am obsessed with. I am obsessed with looking as blonde as possible, carrying snacks for any homeless people I meet, and wearing at least 5 bracelets at any given time. But one of my undisputed greatest obsessions (in addition to my concerning addition to reality TV) is loving where I live.

If someone said… “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?”, I would have three prepared and practice answers: 1. Washington, DC because I have a walk in closet, 2. The dressing room or Bloomingdales, or 3. The Greenbrier.Why am I obsessed with the idea of living at the Greenbrier?

  1. The resort’s wifi is strong enough to stream two shows at once which is a lot more Bravo TV than my Washington, DC cable package allows.
  2. Everything is monogrammed. My roommate now refuses to let me monogram our stainless steel fridge, but I have a feeling that the Greenbrier would support it.
  3. I won 10 cents at the casino! It doesn’t matter that bae and I both put in $20 and I won 10 cents (*see below) and he won $48.00. I still won! I WON! But I also collected bae’s winnings for my monthly installment of girlfriend support.  

5.  Women’s one piece bathing suits are recommended for the indoor pool. I am obsessed with one pieces because there is no way I can forget the either the top or bottom piece.

6. Door to door shuttle service from our cottage around the property. But not just any shuttle service, shuttle service in the form of a horse drawn carriage. At my condo in Washington, DC,  I earn the side eye whenever I summon the elevator between the lobby and floor one.

7. Dinner is served early. Like so early our hostess asked if we wanted a lunch menu. I obviously asked for both just in case there was a difference in dessert offerings.

8. Industrial strength napkins. Industrial strength napkins are an imperative element of the Sarah B Keating meal prep. I am someone who spills as consistently as I check my Facebook mini feed, so I live for the phrase ‘Machine Washable’. Every time I eat a meal, my napkin looks like I just finished a buffalo wing eating contest. And if you think my napkin is bad, you should see what my clothes look like after I have actually just finished a buffalo wing eating contest. Im convinced my drycleaner wants to rename his most intense wash cycle after me.

9. The staff constantly asks if you would like to have your photo taken and then asks you to do multiple poses so they get one you like. LIKE OMG!!! Did I just die and go that special heaven for self obsessed girls? I think so.

I had to cut myself off at nine reasons because a. I ran out of them and b. I don’t want to hurt DC’s feelings. Not only does my super handsome part time personal driver full time boyfriend pictured below (bae) live in this area, but DC is one of the only states with a black and white driver license photo. Would I live somewhere based solely on the license photo potential? Absolutely. Especially when that black and white photo camouflages my dark roots and which makes me look five shades blonder. And unfortunately that perk was denied to me by the Greenbrier room key.


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