a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

The Bae-ch House

Once upon a time, I stalked a handsome and hardworking man and convinced him to fall in love with me. Luckily, he didn’t call the police and, a couple of weeks later, I was calling him my boyfriend.

Two years into our love story, Matt bought an investment property in Bethany Beach, DE and we totally Chip and Joanna Gain-ed the townhouse. Except, we didn’t have an HGTV budget…. which was annoying.  

As a one semester architecture school dropout, my only REMOTE design qualification is being exceptionally adept at spending other people's money. Luckily, Matt didn’t ask for any references and in a couple of weeks, we finished and furnished the house.

We (and by "we" I mean the adorable painter that Matt hired) hung fabulous palm print wallpaper on the walls and ceiling of the powder room. Universe...if you are keeping track, please note that I picked this wall paper months BEFORE Gray Malin blogged it in his pool house ,so I deserve AT LEAST a couple extra universe points for this.

I used the left over wall paper scraps from the powder room to wrap book on a book case in the living room. 

Has anyone ever gone wrong with a lucite hall table? (Probably).

As a dyslexic, "reading a tape measure (accurately)" is not one of my talents so I didn’t consider measuring the table until after I bought it off Craiglist.com. Only after my Mom and I had recovered the benches did I figure out the table and benches were way too wide for the space. I started crying. I told Matt he should sell the house and find another house that would fit my $300 table.  He replied, “Why don't you stop crying and slide one bench underneath so you can push the table against the wall?”

As usual, he was right. The table with one bench fit perfectly. Crisis averted. And Matt no longer needed to sell his house!

At the beginning of the project, I hit the end of the budget. Instead of returning things, I started to pilfer things from Matt's home. I turned a wooden bookcase on its side for a coffee table and used a white desk for a TV stand. I thought Matt would financially reward my creativity with a design bonus, but instead he laughed and thanked me for being a "Team Player".

The budget didn't permit the purchase of Pottery Barn's cleverly framed signal flags, so I made them for $7 a piece and saved $192...each.   Matt said, “No Sarah, I will not let you keep the savings.”  

Matt and my best friend Patrick actually BUILT the seagrass pendant lights that hang over the counter. I accidently ordered lamp shades instead of pendant lights and, with the budget blown, the boys pulled a Thomas Edison and built their own version- chalk up another big savings.

Matt picked the counters, cabinets and backsplash. When it all came together so well, I thought, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My favorite features of the house, besides its proximity to Domino's Pizza, are the navy striped walls (created with giant stickers), the wallpaper under the kitchen island, and the oyster chandelier that I found for a steal!! (No, I didn't steal it.)

The professional grade photos were shot by Emily White of What Em Sees Photography.  I only try to be as talented using my iPhone.

Interested in renting the bae-ch house? See Matt's house on AirBnB !! 


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