a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

Guide to What You Can Gift Me This Holiday

If you have access to a first-world quality Instagram feed, then you know that every blogger puts out their own gift guide, which is a guide to what you should gift people. Since I am not a real blogger because the only people who read my blog are related to me (Thank you Granny!), I decided to make a list of things you can gift...to me.

In addition to asking Santa for an impeachment, Jeff Bezos’s net worth after Black Friday, or for North Korea to lose their launch codes, I would like to request the following:

  1. I would like running late to count as a calorie-burning cardio activity.
  2. I would like to be my parent’s favorite child.
  3. I would like Facebook to stop reminding me “My Memories on Facebook” which are really just time capsuled photographic evidence of  of how terrible I looked 6 years ago.
  4. I would like Juicy Couture velour track suits to be trendy again.
  5. I would like a Hello Kitty World Theme Park to open on this continent.
  6. I would like gel manicures to be considered a health care deductible expense.
  7. I would like to be invited to join a gang.
  8. I would like formal apologizes issued by the people who wrote mean things at the end of the Yahoo.com article about our Christmas Card. Especially Bill who said " Looks like she is packing a roll of quarters in her shorts in at least 2 of those photos. Is it a tranny?"

As a disclaimer... if you make any of my above Christmas wishes come true, do not expect a miracle from me in return. As I like to constantly remind those closest to me…. I am their gift. My presence is their present and they are #welcome. If any lingering confusion remains, please seek explanation in the meme below:


No comments