a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

When Your Girlfriend Moves in with Your Boyfriend

6 months ago, my best friend moved in with my boyfriend. Have I moved in with my boyfriend? No. But I am pretty sure having your best friend live with your boyfriend is a seriousness step. (**Which gets me thinking…. Should I be receiving a gift from one or both of them to commemorate this? Probably!!).

Since the three of us went to college together, it is kinda like we are reliving the dorm experience. Matt and Lindzy are the suitemates and I am the random student who lives across campus but likes to spend ALL my free time in their common room. Here they are preparing a meal for me:

From my side, (which is the side of someone who does not live there and contributes minimally pretty much nothing) these are the pros and cons of having my best friend live with my boyfriend.

PROS: I finally have someone who will be an active and willing participant in all Bachelor franchise and MTV Teen Mom franchise episode viewings. In addition to binging reality tv, I finally have someone to discuss the questionable life choices of some of my collegiate peers. My boyfriend Matt never offered me a supportive or judgement-free environment for either of these addictions hobbies.

As I am a licensed driver who refuses to get behind the wheel of a car, Lindzy has unknowingly become another pro-bono driver, volunteering for the SarahBKeating taxi fleet. She has on occasion begrudgingly ferried me to a McDonalds drive-thru upon request. Since Lindzy comes with a boyfriend and her boyfriend comes with a dog, I have a whole new dishware collection! Eating from a (clean) dog bowl is my new favorite way to eat dinner. It is much more acceptable than when I used to eat my cereal from a mixing bowl.

I finally have someone who appreciates rap lyrics of the 1990s. Currently, Lindzy and I are trying to make FLOSSY come back. (*It should be trending in an Instagram caption on a feed near you soon). The best part about living with Lindzy, besides the guaranteed additional access to her parents, who are THE BEST, is her closet. Lindzy’s teacher wardrobe lends itself perfectly to my buttoned up office. CONS: I have only come up with two cons in the 6 months Lindzy has lived with Matty. Hypothetically, if Matt falls in love with Lindzy, then that would be less than ideal. Not that I would blame him because Lindzy is pretty much the American Dream. How many natural blondes with innate dishwasher emptying skills do you know? For all you know, your man might be in love with Lindzy too. The other con is absolutely undeniable. Since Lindzy moved in, Matt and I have exercised at least 3 times in the last 6 months which is a 400% improvement from this time last year. Lindzy’s fitness routines are really rather too inspiring. Matt and I are pictured below exploring the hiking trails 400 yards from his house that we didn't know existed until Lindzy found them her first week. (PSA: Matt had lived in his house 4 years prior with absolutely no idea that this specific "fitness opportunity" existed)

I really hope Lindzy and Matty don’t make a pro con list about me because I they might take away my key holding privledges. And then I would have no one to feed me. Or drive me to McDonald's.


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