a blog launched to laugh at my own expense

Air Fryers




I have many talents (namely my uncanny ability to buy every single thing Instagram serves me in a targeted ad) but my skills stop at the kitchen’s threshold. I can pour a bowl of cereal and know my way around a microwave, but that is about it. I prefer only to make reservations.

So when a sponsored Instagram post introduced me to an air fryer, I knew I needed one. But since I didn’t want to buy myself one…. I convinced my boyfriend’s mother to give him one for Christmas. Then, on December 26th, 2018, I commandeered his air fryer as my own.



My 2019 resolution was to learn to cook* (*in the air fryer). 6 months into 2019, I can proudly say that I have graduated from the microwave to the air fryer, which has replaced the microwave as my primary source of sustenance.

In college, when I was responsible for making dinner for the house, I would pour everyone a bowl of cereal and then eat five bowls of cereal because no one wanted to eat my prepared meal. BUT NOW all my friends want to come over and behold the air fryer magic!




Still not convinced that air fryers are the best thing available in the infomercial sphere right now? Let me elaborate on why air fryers are the best thing since deep fried twinkies:

1 . Since my favorite type of food is the fried kind, my air fryer allows me to take anything in the grocery store and turn it into the healthy deep-fried alternative version of itself. BUT WITHOUT ADDING ANY OIL. It is literally like magical food science.

2. Gives new life to your take out leftovers. Sometimes I order Uber Eats just so I can put it in my air fryer.



3. Make great wedding gifts. There is nothing more thoughtful than giving someone a gift they didn’t know they wanted.

4. They are a beautiful counter decoration. It's like a Ukrainian Easter egg that sits on your counter all year round.

5.  You end up tricking yourself into eating more vegetables like onion rings and tempura cauliflower.

6. You are #cleaneating because there is little clean up involved with the air fryer. You just wash the basket out and then let it dry. I don’t have personal experience with this part, but I have watched Matty do it multiple times. Since I am the one preparing the meal, I can't also do the dishes.

7. Automatic portion control. I can only fry what I can fit in the basket… for that course at least.




8. Great excuse to get out of outdoor activities like camping or white water rafting. My default excuse is, “Sorry, I can’t go because I can’t bring my air fryer and I don’t want to get hungry”.

9. Owning an air fryer provides default conversations. Run out of things to say at a party? Just talk about your air fryer. This trick works at supermarket checkout lines, sporting matches, and probably funerals.

10. Automatic shut off means my smoke detector gets a break. Normally, I know something is finished toasting because the smoke detector goes off, but now, I don't have to rely on the smoke detector anymore!


Air fryers are literally the best thing to ever happen to my budding career as an expert cooker. I have decided that my Top Chef stage name will be Queen of the Crispy and I am waiting for Ellen DeGeneres to invest in my air fryer restaurant which would be like an air fryer version of Benihana.

My only complaint is that they don’t come in pink.

xo
B

7 comments


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